Divine Touch: How to change others?

We often get frustrated because of other people. And, we start changing them according to us. More we try to change them, more they resist and more we get frustrated. More we get frustrated, harder we try changing them. And, we become even more frustrated. This is an endless circle going on and on.

But, why do we want to change them?

No, two human are alike. Even, identical twins have different preferences and personality. We require different kind of people in our life for making it interesting and fun. 

What kind of sound would an orchestra make if every member played a trumpet? To produce a beautiful, harmonious sound, individual orchestra members must unite their diverse talents and instruments. Similarly, to bring harmony in our life, we need to tune in ourselves according to others.

Consider how difficult it is to change yourself and you will understand what little chance you have in changing others. When you stop changing others and start changing yourself, your world changes for the better. You can only change yourself, but you can offer opportunities to ignite a desire in others to change - by becoming an example. Be the change you want to see in others.

Let’s correlate the same with the below Zen story.

Poisoning Mother-in-Law

A long time ago in China, a girl named Li-Li got married and went to live with her husband and mother-in-law. In a very short time, Li-Li found that she couldn't get along with her mother-in-law at all. Their personalities were very different, and Li-Li was angered by many of her mother-in-law’s habits. In addition, she criticized Li-Li constantly.

Days passed days, and weeks passed weeks. Li-Li and her mother-in-law never stopped arguing and fighting. But what made the situation even worse was that, according to ancient Chinese tradition, Li-Li had to bow to her mother-in-law and obey her every wish. All the anger and unhappiness in the house was causing the poor husband great distress.

Finally, Li-Li could not stand her mother-in-law’s bad temper and dictatorship any longer, and she decided to do something about it. 

Li-Li went to see her father’s good friend, Mr. Huang, who sold herbs. She told him the situation and asked if he would give her some poison so that she could solve the problem once and for all. Mr. Huang thought for a while, and finally said, “Li-Li, I will help you solve your problem, but you must listen to me and obey what I tell you.”

Li-Li said, “Yes, Mr. Huang, I will do whatever you tell me to do.” Mr. Huang went into the back room, and returned in a few minutes with a package of herbs.

He told Li-Li, “You can’t use a quick-acting poison to get rid of your mother-in-law, because that would cause people to become suspicious. Therefore, I have given you a number of herbs that will slowly build up poison in her body. Every other day prepare some delicious meal and put a little of these herbs in her serving. Now, in order to make sure that nobody suspects you when she dies, you must be very careful to act very friendly towards her. Don’t argue with her, obey her every wish, and treat her like a queen.”

Li-Li was so happy. She thanked Mr. Huang and hurried home to start her plot of murdering her mother-in-law.

Weeks went by, months went by, and every other day, Li-Li served the specially treated food to her mother-in-law. She remembered what Mr. Huang had said about avoiding suspicion, so she controlled her temper, obeyed her mother-in-law, and treated her like her own mother. After six months had passed, the whole household had changed.

Li-Li had practiced controlling her temper so much that she found that she almost never got mad or upset. She hadn't had an argument in six months with her mother-in-law, who now seemed much kinder and easier to get along with.

The mother-in-law’s attitude toward Li-Li changed, and she began to love Li-Li like her own daughter. She kept telling friends and relatives that Li-Li was the best daughter-in-law one could ever find. Li-Li and her mother-in-law were now treating each other like a real mother and daughter.

Li-Li’s husband was very happy to see what was happening.

One day, Li-Li came to see Mr. Huang and asked for his help again. She said, “Mr. Huang, please help me to stop the poison from killing my mother-in-law! She’s changed into such a nice woman, and I love her like my own mother. I do not want her to die because of the poison I gave her.”

Mr. Huang smiled and nodded his head. “Li-Li, there’s nothing to worry about. I never gave you any poison. The herbs I gave you were vitamins to improve her health. The only poison was in your mind and your attitude toward her, but that has been all washed away by the love which you gave to her.”

Sometimes we feel like the world is against us. But the only person against us is ourselves. Because we allow the words and actions of others to change our moods feelings, and the way we live our life. You can never control or change how other think, feel or act. You can only change how you think, feel and act, and lead by example. Peace of mind comes by not wanting to change others.

NEVER UNDERESTIMATE YOUR POWER TO CHANGE YOURSELF.

Sushant Tripathi

Divine Touch,

Exploring the divine within...

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